i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
