I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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