Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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