apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
