So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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