If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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