My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The air was thick with penises
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
