The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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