That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
