Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
