the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
