Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
