Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize