Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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