Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
