THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
