felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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