so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
