booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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