Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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