I hate all girls vehemently.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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