You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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