I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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