If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
