i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize