Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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