Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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