Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
