I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
