Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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