It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
