i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
