I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
