i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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