im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
