You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize