hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
