my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
