Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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