I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
