escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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