We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
