Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
