i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
