Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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