So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
