i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
