I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your penis caused this!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
