It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
