i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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