I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
