awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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