I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
