I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
