One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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