Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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