If i come over, it means nothing
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
