Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
