what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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