unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
