Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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