my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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