I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
