Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He has the fingertips of a God
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