We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
