i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i will never coherently bang her
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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