trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
