Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
