My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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