Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
