dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
