maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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