I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize