You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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