She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
