I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
