I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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