Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
