Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't turn off my feet"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
