for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
