I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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